Couples Solutions by Kathi Pepper
Relationship coaching and conversations about communication, closeness, and everyday behaviors.
Explore Kathi’s workKathi Pepper × Abigail Coquilla · 21:31
Talk Before the Fight
Body awareness, conflict, and repair
Across the conversation
Previously: Kathi and Abigail discussed a commute, music and restorative time as ways to decompress. The final segment moves from that transition into practical conversations about conflict and repair.
Part 3 of 3 · source recordings 0077
Listen and follow the conversation
Kathi describes her present-focused work with couples, while Abigail brings the bodywork perspective back to the room. They consider how to name a physical feeling without blaming a partner, prepare for recurring arguments before they happen, and pause an exhausted late-night fight without abandoning the conversation.
Edited conversation · 21:31
The story in three threadsConversation thread 1 Conversation thread 2 Conversation thread 3
Name the feeling, not a culprit
Abigail contrasts “You’re stressing me out” with saying that her back feels tight. The point is to give a partner information they can respond to without making them the automatic cause of every physical sensation.
Prepare for the familiar argument
Kathi describes asking a partner what helps when conflict begins. They discuss recurring differences of opinion and why a conversation held in a calm moment can be more useful than trying to design the rules at the peak of an argument.
Pause and return
The discussion revisits advice to never go to bed angry. Kathi suggests that exhausted partners may do better to pause, affirm care, sleep, and return to the issue the next day. Abigail then describes her bodywork practice and the ways she sees couples relax together.
“What can I do in a stressful situation?”Kathi · 05:09 · edited audio
“conflict doesn't mean it's bad.”Kathi · 09:49 · edited audio
“how we deal with our own stress affects the other person.”Abigail · 11:27 · edited audio
Quick answers
Questions from this conversation
Should couples settle every argument before bed?
In this conversation, Kathi questions forcing a resolution when both people are exhausted. She suggests agreeing to pause and returning to the issue after rest.
How can partners prepare for conflict?
Kathi suggests talking in advance about what support each person wants when stressed and what recurring situations tend to start an argument.
A local network of voices
Continue with the people and places
Downtown Abby Bodyworks
Abigail Coquilla’s bodywork and stretch coaching practice in Laurel, Mississippi.
Explore Abigail’s servicesCity of Laurel
Read the city’s introduction to Abigail and her local practice.
Local business profileHall Health
The downtown Hattiesburg setting the speakers mention in their conversation.
Explore Hall HealthThe pages summarize the interview and attribute personal observations to the speakers. The images are illustrations, including the two recording scenes; they are not photographs of Kathi or Abigail. Automated speaker labels in the downloadable transcript may need correction where voices overlap.